Lucky lady that I am, I have the luxury of summers free of my job. Before Neila: sleeping in, watching The View, eating a big breakfast with coffee, and generally doing whatever it was I felt like. Granted, I only had two summers like this and the last one I was sleeping and eating and feeling overall unwell (newly pregnant and all). This summer rolled around and I have to say that it was the best summer I can remember. The advantage of Jordan starting his SAHD career this month is that we have been working together with Neila all month. I got up during the night with her while he slept, he took her in the morning so I could sleep in until 8 (or 9!), I'd play with her poolside while he got in his workouts, he'd take her on walks while I chatted over coffee with my friends, I'd take her to baby story time at the library while he was out wakeboarding... the list goes on and on. Point being, we were a team and you could always count on one person to pick up the slack while the other indulged (which may be too generous a word for sleeping, exercising, and socializing).
Going back to work, for me, means going back to guilt. Guilt that I'm away from our precious little one at such a young age, guilt that I am ENJOYING my job, and guilt that my partner no longer has a partner for 9 to 10 hours a day. I guess the task at hand is to figure out how to turn those guilty feelings into something productive... I'll get back to you on that one :)
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Monday, August 16, 2010
work weight... or is it "work, wait"?
I've been ignoring for quite some time the fact that I will be returning to work next week. Once we returned from camping I started getting my mind prepared. Yesterday I put in a solid four hours (during Neila's naps) on the computer prepping lessons and clearing inboxes. Today, however, I realized the true weight of my profession. I heading onto campus to start putting my room together.
Before I started teaching first grade I thought it would be a great position to hold while you raise a family -- summers and holidays off, weekends always free, and hey you're home before the sun goes down. Little did I know that the life of a teacher is seldom that sunny during the school months. I LOVE my job. It is strange to say it, I absolutely LOVE the late nights, bringing work home on the weekends, scouring the internet for new lesson ideas - all of it. There is something so satisfying about nailing a lesson you've created and watching as all twenty little faces looking at you smile with excitement that they got it!
My first year I easily worked 60 hours per week - and a happy 60 hours at that. Now that I'm also a mom, I want to have both: an amazing classroom and an amazing home. How can I figure out a way to balance the weight of both?
Before I started teaching first grade I thought it would be a great position to hold while you raise a family -- summers and holidays off, weekends always free, and hey you're home before the sun goes down. Little did I know that the life of a teacher is seldom that sunny during the school months. I LOVE my job. It is strange to say it, I absolutely LOVE the late nights, bringing work home on the weekends, scouring the internet for new lesson ideas - all of it. There is something so satisfying about nailing a lesson you've created and watching as all twenty little faces looking at you smile with excitement that they got it!
My first year I easily worked 60 hours per week - and a happy 60 hours at that. Now that I'm also a mom, I want to have both: an amazing classroom and an amazing home. How can I figure out a way to balance the weight of both?
Sunday, August 8, 2010
camp champ
Every year my extended family gets together for some wilderness adventure for a week(ish) in August. Throughout my childhood we would go to a family cabin in Twin Lakes, but the "family" is so far extended that we eventually found ourselves in need of a new spot. Last year we went out to China Flat campground; Jordan and I announced our pregnancy there so that trip was really special for us. This year is even more exciting because we were bringing our new little lovey to share with everyone.
This year we all decided to try a new spot called Wolf Creek. It's a cute little campground with lots of trees, a bike trail, and a lake (well, technically, a reservoir). Neila took the drive well and was so excited when we got there! She spent the first day just looking around at all the trees and loving all the new sounds. I was so excited that she was sooooo content in nature; a girl after my own heart, I decided. Day one, amazing, day two, great, day three, good, but by day four we had one whiny, sad baby. Her dry skin got all kinds of little rashes and started peeling; also, she couldn't nap more than 20 minutes in a busy and bustling campground. At night the temperature would drop super low so breastfeeding was torture! (sigh) It was rough.
On day five we decided we would leave (one day early) and it was feeling like a smart decision because she was just so out of character. This is our baby who hardly ever cries or fusses - it felt like she cried more on that camping trip than in her whole five months prior! So we packed it up and got in the car to come home and I saw something I've never seen from her before: a happy baby in a car seat! Seriously, this is the kid who hates her car seat and complains for hours in there, but here she was happy as can be. She was asleep before we left the campground and was passed out for about half of the drive. She woke up and complained for the last 20 minutes until we arrived home, but then something wonderful happened: we walked in the door, she sighed, and gave us a smile :) I didn't think a baby could be homesick, but Jordan called it right -- sometimes people just want to be home. (even baby people)
Lessons learned:
1. Bringing books from home was a great idea. She would go from crying to relaxing as soon as we cuddled in the tent and busted out the familiar stories we'd read a million times.
2. Bringing crappy blankets was super smart. She didn't spend too much time out of our arms because of her mood, but when she did I was glad I had those gross-feeling, cheap, fleece blankets great aunt so-and-so got us to toss over the dirt for her to play.
3. Three onesies and three jammies are not enough clothing for five days. Sure, she can wear the same outfit two days in a row at home, but camping is a whole other story. Two outfits per day is a closer estimate than two days per outfit!
4. Don't try new foods when you're not at home. I made the mistake of chowing on my dad's famous clam dip on day one... not realizing that I had never eaten shell fish while pregnant or breastfeeding Neila. She (and her digestive system) did not approve. And kept reminding us of that fact - for several days, thus, adding to our clothing-shortage problem.
5. Listen to your baby. If there is one thing Jordan and I always try to remember, it's to listen to our dear Neila. She has it harder than any of us because she needs the most and can do the least. After we started seeing her melt down we began discussing whether or not it was best to cut our trip back a few days, even though we didn't want to. As people, we wanted to stay, but as parents, we knew we had to go home early to respond to her feelings. I'm glad we did; after all, we're most importantly a family of three before we are a group of individuals.
Overall, the camping trip was great. I love our family cabin/camping tradition and am so glad that Neila will grow up like I did with it. Even if it does take a little extra convincing :)
This year we all decided to try a new spot called Wolf Creek. It's a cute little campground with lots of trees, a bike trail, and a lake (well, technically, a reservoir). Neila took the drive well and was so excited when we got there! She spent the first day just looking around at all the trees and loving all the new sounds. I was so excited that she was sooooo content in nature; a girl after my own heart, I decided. Day one, amazing, day two, great, day three, good, but by day four we had one whiny, sad baby. Her dry skin got all kinds of little rashes and started peeling; also, she couldn't nap more than 20 minutes in a busy and bustling campground. At night the temperature would drop super low so breastfeeding was torture! (sigh) It was rough.
On day five we decided we would leave (one day early) and it was feeling like a smart decision because she was just so out of character. This is our baby who hardly ever cries or fusses - it felt like she cried more on that camping trip than in her whole five months prior! So we packed it up and got in the car to come home and I saw something I've never seen from her before: a happy baby in a car seat! Seriously, this is the kid who hates her car seat and complains for hours in there, but here she was happy as can be. She was asleep before we left the campground and was passed out for about half of the drive. She woke up and complained for the last 20 minutes until we arrived home, but then something wonderful happened: we walked in the door, she sighed, and gave us a smile :) I didn't think a baby could be homesick, but Jordan called it right -- sometimes people just want to be home. (even baby people)
Lessons learned:
1. Bringing books from home was a great idea. She would go from crying to relaxing as soon as we cuddled in the tent and busted out the familiar stories we'd read a million times.
2. Bringing crappy blankets was super smart. She didn't spend too much time out of our arms because of her mood, but when she did I was glad I had those gross-feeling, cheap, fleece blankets great aunt so-and-so got us to toss over the dirt for her to play.
3. Three onesies and three jammies are not enough clothing for five days. Sure, she can wear the same outfit two days in a row at home, but camping is a whole other story. Two outfits per day is a closer estimate than two days per outfit!
4. Don't try new foods when you're not at home. I made the mistake of chowing on my dad's famous clam dip on day one... not realizing that I had never eaten shell fish while pregnant or breastfeeding Neila. She (and her digestive system) did not approve. And kept reminding us of that fact - for several days, thus, adding to our clothing-shortage problem.
5. Listen to your baby. If there is one thing Jordan and I always try to remember, it's to listen to our dear Neila. She has it harder than any of us because she needs the most and can do the least. After we started seeing her melt down we began discussing whether or not it was best to cut our trip back a few days, even though we didn't want to. As people, we wanted to stay, but as parents, we knew we had to go home early to respond to her feelings. I'm glad we did; after all, we're most importantly a family of three before we are a group of individuals.
Overall, the camping trip was great. I love our family cabin/camping tradition and am so glad that Neila will grow up like I did with it. Even if it does take a little extra convincing :)
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
skin troubles and sound bubbles
Jordan and I decided we would go find some kind of machine to make a soft white noise for Neila to sleep to. We had been using the one that came with the pack-n-play, but the sound turns off after 30 minutes and occasionally that change would wake her up. On a side note, Neila's baby eczema has been acting up lately so I've been doing some online reading about how to help that.
Two birds... one cool mist humidifier.
It's fabulous! I did some research within the budget brands and styles and decided we would purchase the Safety First humidifier from Target. I searched Target's website and found a store near me that had it in stock. Just in case, I thought, I'll pick a second choice, not that I'll need it of course. Well. I packed Neila up and we went to Target only to find that the humidifier I wanted was not, in fact, in stock. (sigh) So I did end up with our second choice (some lame-looking Vicks brand).
Neila's skin is slowly getting better, but the best part of the humidifier is the sound. There are two speeds, but we really can't use the high speed or we would be battling San Francisco for fog visibility records. The only thing that's somewhat annoying is the air that bubbles up randomly in the tank while it's on. Neila still hasn't gotten over the novelty of this new sound in her room; she will turn into a contortionist to see it mid-feed, mid-story, mid-almost-asleep... I keep reminding myself, let her look at it, she's learning, don't be bothered, she'll have to eat/sleep sometime. :)
Today has actually been a really nice day (aside from a clogged duct - ugh). The sun is shining and the air is comfortably warm. Neila and I went out for a picnic lunch today on our walk. Grass has become very exciting, as have dandelions! Although neither taste good, we've decided.
Two birds... one cool mist humidifier.
It's fabulous! I did some research within the budget brands and styles and decided we would purchase the Safety First humidifier from Target. I searched Target's website and found a store near me that had it in stock. Just in case, I thought, I'll pick a second choice, not that I'll need it of course. Well. I packed Neila up and we went to Target only to find that the humidifier I wanted was not, in fact, in stock. (sigh) So I did end up with our second choice (some lame-looking Vicks brand).
Neila's skin is slowly getting better, but the best part of the humidifier is the sound. There are two speeds, but we really can't use the high speed or we would be battling San Francisco for fog visibility records. The only thing that's somewhat annoying is the air that bubbles up randomly in the tank while it's on. Neila still hasn't gotten over the novelty of this new sound in her room; she will turn into a contortionist to see it mid-feed, mid-story, mid-almost-asleep... I keep reminding myself, let her look at it, she's learning, don't be bothered, she'll have to eat/sleep sometime. :)
Today has actually been a really nice day (aside from a clogged duct - ugh). The sun is shining and the air is comfortably warm. Neila and I went out for a picnic lunch today on our walk. Grass has become very exciting, as have dandelions! Although neither taste good, we've decided.
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
five months... really?!
Today is Neila's five-month birthday. I am excited, happy, and amazed all at once! I can happily accept that she has grown so much and learned so many new things; the part that shocks me is that I gave birth five months ago! It seems like it happened both forever ago and just yesterday. Some things I can hardly remember feeling (like the physical pain) and others are still as vivid as on that day.
In preparation for Neila's homebirth, we chose not to take any birthing classes and instead opted to read several birthing method books (The Bradley Method and Birthing From Within) and read a trillion birth stories. This turned out to be the best preparation for us because I went into the birth knowing that I had to let my body do its thing. I gave in to every whim and made every sound my body wanted me to make. It was liberating! Gone were the ideas that I would look cute and refreshed when my baby first saw my face; instead was the reality that we both looked messy, scattered, alert, and, ultimately... in love. This truly was a rite of passage for both of us.
The best moment of that day was lying in our bed, all three of us, in awe of what had just happened. We were overcome with joy and elation and surprise. Something for which we had been waiting so long, had taken just one day to arrive. And there we laid, transformed from a married couple into a family.
In preparation for Neila's homebirth, we chose not to take any birthing classes and instead opted to read several birthing method books (The Bradley Method and Birthing From Within) and read a trillion birth stories. This turned out to be the best preparation for us because I went into the birth knowing that I had to let my body do its thing. I gave in to every whim and made every sound my body wanted me to make. It was liberating! Gone were the ideas that I would look cute and refreshed when my baby first saw my face; instead was the reality that we both looked messy, scattered, alert, and, ultimately... in love. This truly was a rite of passage for both of us.
The best moment of that day was lying in our bed, all three of us, in awe of what had just happened. We were overcome with joy and elation and surprise. Something for which we had been waiting so long, had taken just one day to arrive. And there we laid, transformed from a married couple into a family.
Friday, July 9, 2010
No-Cry Sleep Solution
I've been so happy with our floor bed, it's crazy. I really am amazed at how well it's been working. Update: yes, she has rolled off of it several times... about four to be exact. Floor bed enthusiasts will tell you "like a lizard sleeping on a leaf, your infant will become aware of her boundaries and subconsciously remain within the edges of her mattress"... hmmmm... not quite. She rolls right off and you can hear a little giggle, a little squirm, and around five minutes later some huffing and puffing in a sort of where-the-heck-are-you-mom kind of way. The benefit of selecting a thin foam mattress was that she wouldn't hurt herself if she rolled off, so, no worries.
Recently our midwife sent a newsletter out to all of her families with some great info from Elizabeth Pantley (author of The No-Cry Sleep Solution). I enjoyed the newsletter and thought I might like her books. I decided to check out her website and that's when I learned that if you mention her books or her website on your blog you could win the collection of her books (she has five or six No-Cry Solutions for all of your crying needs). So instantly, I thought hey I'm not a fan of crying, I'd like those books! So I looked over her website and I have to say... not a big fan. It feels like one big advertisement for her books. A sort of appetizer of information. There were a few things I liked:
The PDFs to download. Not really useful for everyday, but they seem like useful tools to help visual people think out their napping woes.
The Booklet. Free, bite-sized information all in one friendly little (16-page) booklet. I would have liked to have seen this when Neila was first born, although there is some good stuff on potty training (or potty learning as our Montessori friends may say) and behavior issues for toddlers. Also, as a classroom teacher, I LOVE the Quiet Bunny technique she mentions on page 12. I will definitely be teaching my students this one!
Overall, I don't think I'll be entering the contest as I'm not giving her site rave reviews. I did, however, discover the Quiet Bunny which is enough of a prize for me!
Recently our midwife sent a newsletter out to all of her families with some great info from Elizabeth Pantley (author of The No-Cry Sleep Solution). I enjoyed the newsletter and thought I might like her books. I decided to check out her website and that's when I learned that if you mention her books or her website on your blog you could win the collection of her books (she has five or six No-Cry Solutions for all of your crying needs). So instantly, I thought hey I'm not a fan of crying, I'd like those books! So I looked over her website and I have to say... not a big fan. It feels like one big advertisement for her books. A sort of appetizer of information. There were a few things I liked:
The PDFs to download. Not really useful for everyday, but they seem like useful tools to help visual people think out their napping woes.
The Booklet. Free, bite-sized information all in one friendly little (16-page) booklet. I would have liked to have seen this when Neila was first born, although there is some good stuff on potty training (or potty learning as our Montessori friends may say) and behavior issues for toddlers. Also, as a classroom teacher, I LOVE the Quiet Bunny technique she mentions on page 12. I will definitely be teaching my students this one!
Overall, I don't think I'll be entering the contest as I'm not giving her site rave reviews. I did, however, discover the Quiet Bunny which is enough of a prize for me!
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
The Great Sleep Experiment
When we decided three months was an appropriate time to stop co-sleeping with our little Neila, we made the decision to put her to sleep in the pack-n-play in our room. That month was beautiful! She got sleepy, we swaddled her, laid her down, read a book, closed the door and she slept. What are all these parents talking about? Sleeping is easy! When month number four came around, we started seeing little protests here and there, but by the middle of that month, it seemed the only way to get her down without a fight was to nurse her to sleep in our bed and then move her to her pack-n-play when we wanted to sleep. Okay, I guess I could deal with that, but occasionally she would wake up mid-transfer and I'd have to start over. Putting her straight into the pack-n-play wasn't working because it seemed that as soon as there was a divider between us (like the side of the crib), she would cry. I tried letting her cry (with me there, patting and shushing like no tomorrow), but it was not only torture for me, she was so clingy for the rest of the day that I knew that was not good for 'us'. The final straw was her night feeding. This little feeding would come every day around 3am. She would wake up and in my sleepy-daze I would bring her to our bed to feed her and we would both fall asleep there. But this co-sleeping was not the wonderful, snugly, newborn kind of co-sleeping of the early days. Around 4am I would be attacked by four flailing limbs dropping on me like bombs and sand-paper nails scratching my eyelids and lips completely off. I finally wised-up and started pushing our attack baby over to daddy's side so he could feel the wrath.
Enter: the floor bed.
One day I casually said to Jordan, "I wish I could lay down with her in her crib to sleep, then we wouldn't have to move her or keep her in our bed while we try to sleep... like if she had her own bed already". Thus, the research into the floor bed had begun! I started Google-ing all kinds of questions "age to start a toddler bed", "baby in toddler bed", "baby sleeping in own bed", etc. One time I stumbled on a Montessori blog with a mother talking about what a blessing it was when she transferred her four-month-old away from co-sleeping and into his floor bed. My searching became more refined as I delved into the Montessori baby theories. I learned that many Montessori parents put their babies to sleep on a mattress on the floor. One mother said, "just think of it as a crib the size of your room". Really, it seemed to make sense. I know what you're thinking -- we are far from the perfect Montessori parents. In fact, I don't always agree with everything Montessori, but some stuff I like. Well... to be honest, I will like anything that already agrees with my ideas. So I'll cherry pick my parenting style as needed.
Granted, she's not crawling yet. I know we will have a whole host of new issues to work out when that day arrives (baby proofing, for one). But for now, we thought we'd give it a go. After all, we share a room with her, how much trouble could she get into while we sleep? (famous last words, perhaps?)
Day One:
After a quick trip to IKEA (what isn't a quick trip these days?) we came home with a twin foam mattress, one fitted sheet, and one of those super cute giant leaves to hang over the bed (in an effort to make it look like the bed is supposed to be on the floor - not sure if it's working, but it does look cute!). After we first put it all together (some room rearrangement was necessary) we all laid under the leaf and read some books together and tried to make sure she would feel comfortable there by herself when bedtime came. She seemed happy so we went into bedtime confident. The good news: she fell asleep easily. The great news: she stayed asleep beautifully! She still woke up for her night feeding, as usual, but I came to her and left her there to sleep while I went back to my cozy bed (assault-free). And when she woke up for good, she stayed quite content under her leaf oasis and babbled happily for an hour! Ahhh :) Happy mama.
Enter: the floor bed.
One day I casually said to Jordan, "I wish I could lay down with her in her crib to sleep, then we wouldn't have to move her or keep her in our bed while we try to sleep... like if she had her own bed already". Thus, the research into the floor bed had begun! I started Google-ing all kinds of questions "age to start a toddler bed", "baby in toddler bed", "baby sleeping in own bed", etc. One time I stumbled on a Montessori blog with a mother talking about what a blessing it was when she transferred her four-month-old away from co-sleeping and into his floor bed. My searching became more refined as I delved into the Montessori baby theories. I learned that many Montessori parents put their babies to sleep on a mattress on the floor. One mother said, "just think of it as a crib the size of your room". Really, it seemed to make sense. I know what you're thinking -- we are far from the perfect Montessori parents. In fact, I don't always agree with everything Montessori, but some stuff I like. Well... to be honest, I will like anything that already agrees with my ideas. So I'll cherry pick my parenting style as needed.
Granted, she's not crawling yet. I know we will have a whole host of new issues to work out when that day arrives (baby proofing, for one). But for now, we thought we'd give it a go. After all, we share a room with her, how much trouble could she get into while we sleep? (famous last words, perhaps?)
Day One:
After a quick trip to IKEA (what isn't a quick trip these days?) we came home with a twin foam mattress, one fitted sheet, and one of those super cute giant leaves to hang over the bed (in an effort to make it look like the bed is supposed to be on the floor - not sure if it's working, but it does look cute!). After we first put it all together (some room rearrangement was necessary) we all laid under the leaf and read some books together and tried to make sure she would feel comfortable there by herself when bedtime came. She seemed happy so we went into bedtime confident. The good news: she fell asleep easily. The great news: she stayed asleep beautifully! She still woke up for her night feeding, as usual, but I came to her and left her there to sleep while I went back to my cozy bed (assault-free). And when she woke up for good, she stayed quite content under her leaf oasis and babbled happily for an hour!
Friday, July 2, 2010
all natural baby
Success! Last night I eagerly took all of the flat diapers out of the dryer after prepping them and got one folded on Neila. You are reading from a very proud mommy :) The Snappi fasteners were a little harder to use then I previously thought, but I think I'll get the hang of it. Through the night we kept her in disposables so she would sleep through, but here we are first thing in the morning and she's happy as a clam in her cotton diaper and bamboo shirt... she doesn't know how good she's got it!
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Sew Exciting
Silly, I know, but I couldn't resist. And how else could one title a post about one's crafty self? With Neila's five-month birthday approaching, I realized it is high time to fulfill the commitment to switch to cloth diapers. True, it is easier to stick with disposables (and we will for sleeping through the night and big trips), but I can't shake the feeling of irresponsibility from disposables. I have read that cloth has the same environmental impact, but something feels better about using clean plant fibers on our baby's bottom. Mommy self-esteem: up two points.
We ordered the 'economy kit' from Green Mountain Diapers last week complete with 3 Snappi fasteners (Jordan and I are terrified of diaper pins), 48 flat cloth diapers, 10 covers, and reusable wipes. I've mastered the art of the origami fold (thank you, YouTube) and I'm ready to go! Now the trick is convincing Jordan and the rest of the family that this will be as exciting as I'm imagining!
We ordered the 'economy kit' from Green Mountain Diapers last week complete with 3 Snappi fasteners (Jordan and I are terrified of diaper pins), 48 flat cloth diapers, 10 covers, and reusable wipes. I've mastered the art of the origami fold (thank you, YouTube) and I'm ready to go! Now the trick is convincing Jordan and the rest of the family that this will be as exciting as I'm imagining!
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